Happy Thanksgiving from Screaming Weasel!

Screaming Weasel would like to wish all it’s readers a very happy Thanksgiving and Black Friday. SW will not be posting until Monday, but the blog The Christmastime Dream will post the daily part of the poem all days.

Eat well, be safe, and only fight over Nintendo Wii’s with those of your own age group ….. clubbing an 86 year old lady to get one is just so not right.

-SW

P.S. – if you have any good Thanksgiving day stories, this is one of those posts we’d love to see you add comments to.

The Christmastime Dream 2008 Has Started – Reminder

This is just a reminder that The Christmastime Dream has started.  The first post is up, so please enjoy, and again, if you would like to help by creating illustrations for the posts, please e-mail me at capozla@me.com. If graphic arts is not your thing, please feel free to post your Christmastime Dream memories to the postings that bring them to mind.

Thanks,

SW

Pittsburgh Light Up Night 2008 and Jeff Reed

Made light up night … although since there was parking the kid missed out on the Smithfield Street bridge thing ….. but the blowhardedness of the CEOs speaking at Light Up Night more than made up for it.

It was actually a nice scene. This year they had the sense to use a big screen so the kiddies could see the action even from far back without the parents having to hold them on their shoulders while getting kicked in the face. Unfortunately they forgot a sound system that you could actually hear (which is about the only thing that made the CEO speeches tolerable).

Note to Duquesne Light: Don’t let the new guy in the mailroom run the soundboard during a major event that your company is sponsoring …. it makes you look like idiots. Oh, wait, sorry folks – I forgot we were talking about Duquesne Light, looking like idiots just can’t be helped. No loss here, I guess.

There were some cool things:

• For the kiddies (tons of flashing lights to play with in the car on the ride home causing parents to wreck because the stupid wands are so **** bright you can’t see out the back window)
• Santa singing like Bing Crosby (or trying to) …. pictured above. Never give a fat guy in a red suite a microphone, unless it’s fake.
• Lots of holiday dance performances – all family oriented which didn’t make SW happy at all.

And for the adults:

• The seduction of Steeler Jeff Reed (pictured below):

(even if I tried I couldn’t setup a goofier scene than this)

And of course, the memories created during the night:

• Frozen tears due to frozen feet on the kiddies (thanks from the parents for scheduling the night later)
• Showing your kid (that could care less) around the Block House and museum.
• Explaining that Santa will get there in due ******* time.
• Watching other parents lose it ….. and the cute couples making you want to vomit.
• Thawing your kid in the microwave after you get home.

Oh, on a side note … where was Mayor Luke?? Did he sense a deep disturbance in the force and had to go help out? Did Yoda appear in his dreams last night and tell him his real father would be at the event? Were the powers that be scared Opie would take one of the lights from a kid again??? Maybe he just forgot it was Light Up Night ….. you never know with Opie ….. use your imagination, he’s young … there’s much to go with here.

Pittsburgh, City Of Pigeons

… Sorry, no pigeon pics in stock.

Well, The Burgh Blog is gone, and so is PittGirl ….. and everyone is still trying to figure out who she was. I was a fan too, so basically y’all or yinz need to drop it and get a life …..

but …..

I did hear a report about the pigeons flying the “missing man” formation while dive-bombing a brunette talking on a cell phone near Pittsburgh today ….. hmmmm ….. could it have been?

….. oh wait, I think that was just a local politician in disguise leaving a meeting with one of his mistresses after cutting a deal for a new Viagra billboard on the side of the Carnegie, and the pigeons were actually trying to help out.

Still best wishes and hope for all the bloggers that aspire to eighty thousand hits a month.

-SW

PS ….. I think the pigeons are having a private party at Diesel tonight.

The Short One’s Black Cloud

Very rarely do you get the chance to harass your wife via your blog via her blog – but I’m getting that chance, so I’m taking it! Supposedly she has this little black cloud around her (which I doubt, but may actually have been the one that dropped that **** single flake of snow that the dogs and I had to fight over after being cheated out of the snowstorm the “meteorologists” predicted).

Of course, I may be wrong, and maybe that’s not actually piddle on the floor in the living room and just something that came out of her little black cloud (hmmmm ….. I seem to remember little black books from my younger days – not little black clouds. That statement should generate some conversation between us at Light Up Night tonight. But when reality sets in she’ll realize I was as computer geek back then, and those little black books weren’t mine.  Hopefully that will happen before I get hit).

BTW … she’s going the become the other half of the SWB blog soon …. so harass her a little and get her wit up (or just harass her a little … ur choice).

But check out her blog and remember one thing: Life is never as bad as your own mind makes it (The Pirates being the exception ….. I’m sure life really IS AS BAD as their minds make it).

-SW

Yup, God heard me! It’s Snowing!!!!

It’s now snowing … so obviously God heard me complain about the issue.

Why do I care?

Because I’m tired of going to Light Up Nights and First Night celebrations when it’s warm!! I’m not in {{censored}} Florida … I’m in Pittsburgh!! I have a city born right to be cold and miserable (not just miserable as my wife says).

I fully intend to go to Light Up Night tonight, park at Station Square, and force my new step-daughter to freeze walking over the Smithfield Street bridge to get to the festivities – how else is she going to learn to appreciate the holidays in Pittsburgh??

Ok … it’s snowing, I’m happy now.

Snow ….. where is it?????

(this is what this morning was supposed to look like)

Well, it happened again ….. the weather dudes and dudettes were wrong. There was supposed to be at least two inches on the ground this morning. This morning was supposed to be even a challenge for snow tires (which I spend $200 on rushing to get yesterday before work).

What was the result of last night’s weather advisory for Pittsburgh and surrounding areas? …. one flake on my **** pinkie finger. The dogs were even ticked because they didn’t get to catch any snowflakes.

Now …. it wouldn’t be irritated if all of the news channels had different views on the snow advisory …. but they all said they same thing. How can everyone in one region in an industry like that be collectively wrong and still retain jobs?? I thought that was only reserved for government workers??

The Christmastime Dream 2008

This is the time of the year I start work on my Christmas Poem/Story.  It started about 5 years ago as a simple insert into my family and friend Christmas cards.  It evolved into a 30 day writing project on the web.  Please check it out at The Christmastime Dream.  The writing time frame is usually Nov 26 to Dec 25th.  If you would like to help by creating illustrations for the posts, please e-mail me at capozla@me.com.  If graphic arts is not your thing, please feel free to post your Christmastime Dream memories to the postings that bring them to mind.

-SW

The Following

The picture about says it all – doesn’t it? The kids are running out in front o the parents, probably not listening (and of course saying things under their breath about their parents and how dumb they are).

BTW – doesn’t “The Following” sound like a great horror/thriller? Well, to some parents I guess it probably is.

Anyway ….. to get to something that has maybe has substance:

Duck Sauce ….. those chicks need Duck Sauce. Christmas is coming up and the only thing I see when looking at that pic is the traditional feast that was on the table in A Christmas Carol – I just gotta figure out how to make the pudding.

I’m probably making absolutely no sense, but I’m not feeling well, so I have an excuse …… what excuse does the rest of the planet have? Here is the point, very little activities happen in this country any more without generating a following. Presidential elections, rock band, religious cults, curly fries, etc … the reason they succeed so well as opposed to latter days is the fact that people no longer want to think. That became very apparent this election when I constantly heard followers of the republican and democratic parties repeating exactly what they heard on TV – substantiated or not. When asked why the thought the way they did they either didn’t have answer, reacted like Palin and repeated the previous answer, or went into a completely clueless coma and just stood there.

WTF? We used to be able to think – not just follow the cookie cutter idiot in front of us.

The people I know that lost their jobs due to outsourcing many times were people that wanted to only do the same thing each day and collect a paycheck. Now they work for a popular fast food company. Personally I think they upgraded their careers – but I’ve been working my career for a long time now and I’m fairly jaded. They were good workers, but someone else wanted to do it better. Yes, there is more to it than that, so don’t think I’m an outsourcing supported – my job is overseas now, too. I just had enough ambition to get a better job – with a ton more responsibilities and headaches, but that’s another post.

Look at the picture again …. those kids (goslings) aren’t being rude or disrespectful to their parents – they are doing what their parents don’t have the guts to do ……. lead.

Think about it.

Working yourself into the ground in your job isn’t the answer.

Doing the minimum at your job isn’t the answer.

Maybe thinking beyond the boxes is and going where others fear.

Goodbye Burgh Blog … and PittGirl

I wanted to “officially” say goodbye to The Burgh Blog and PittGirl. In my opinion this is one of the better blogs I’ve run across simply because it was done without influence from others, it was done with fun, and it wasn’t done for income from Google Ads.

Goodbye and enjoy life ….. I’m sure there will be many that will imitate your ways in flattery (or not in flattery – depending on how you see it).

-Screaming Weasel

Snow , White Snow …… Idiots, Clueless Idiots

(Near Pitt Campus – Oakland, PA)

I love snow in the winter time – it looks pretty …. but I’m like everyone else: I hate shoveling it, scraping off the car, etc …. but it makes a city look pretty for a while. Doing the other stuff seems worth it for this little gift. That is, until the idiots show up. They do, it just can’t be stopped ….. sort of like a 500lb policeman in a donut shop.

Here are some of my favorite Clueless Idiot Winter Activities that I normally spot:

1. This ranks no.1, because no matter how many times the radio, TV, or car dealerships themselves explain that the four wheel drive on gas guzzling SUVs won’t track ice – you always see at least two confused rednecks wandering around their now alternative art looking SUVs that are wrapped around telephone poles trying to figure out what happened (even though they are twenty feet from a highway lane turned ice skating rink) while on your way to work.

2. After the road crew clears and cleans the streets a massive amount of clueless idiots emerge from their homes to shovel the snow from their walkways back into the streets instead of into their yards – again making the streets nice and icy. Of course they are the first to complain when a driver loses control on the newly placed snow and ends up putting the front end of an Ford F-150 in their living room.

3. The idiot that rides his/her bike in the winter on ice covered streets, hits a car after loosing traction on the ice, then complains to the driver ….. obviously the helmet is on too tight and keeping oxygen from brain.

4. The dolts you see on TV after their cars blow up when they left the car running in the winter filling up the gas tank. This definitely proves smoking is healthier than something and that the Darwin Awards are necessary.

5. The kids that shoot their eyes out with their new Red Rider BB guns (sorry, couldn’t resist).

6. The well kept streets in the SouthSide of Pittsburgh ….. ’nuff said.

7. The clueless that cross the SouthSide streets thinking the cars can actually stop in the winter ….. splat (and possibly crunch). I’m not talking about the drunk people that have enough sense to stay walking on the sidewalk.

8. The pigeons that make the snow so colorful ….. and the people that keep feeding them. Nothing like pigeon poop designs in the snow. “Hey kid with the pigeon feeding mom …. come taste this snowball ….”.

9. The parents that stand there with that “lost puppy dog” look as their children sled ride into the streets turning them into moving speed bumps. Isn’t there a law against passing the “idiot” gene?

10. People staying inside and not running out at the immediate sight of snow to buy Screaming Weasel his Xmas present. That’s just plain rude.

A Nation Of Radicals

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Don’t you just ha ate it when the wind blows and radically changes how perfect that grass was standing when you were taking that perfect photo of it ….. or better yet, how radicals force you to change the way you think?

If you get a chance, read the article called “A Conversation With Malik Rahim” in The Pittsburgh City Paper. Besides being an excellent article, it brings to light that our whole country was created by radicals. Point being is that Obama is seen as a radical because of who he associated with – but everyone forgets, as Malik pointed out in the interview …… America’s founding fathers were the biggest radicals you could think of. Now, I’m not an Obama nor McCain supporter ….. personally I don’t think either one was ready for the position.

Everyone fears radicals …… yes some are bad, but the worse thing to fear is no change at all. When it comes down to it, radicals are probably the least of your worries.

Either one of our presidential candidates this year could be looked at as radicals ….. they each had their points they wanted heavy change on — heavy change. This doesn’t mean we should have put them in prison or single them out …. but discerned their points and ideas to determine which ones fit and benefit the residents and visitors of this country. Because people think differently doesn’t mean they are going to make a law to empty out your bank accounts, take you house, make you a slave …… or better yet, make you stand in line for toilet paper. It’s an indication that a percentage of the nation is ready to grow up into it’s next phase of existence.

As you keep to your “values” – if you have any – less the ones the press dictates you have, and you hopefully discern what you believe is good for your country ….. try to remember one thing: If there weren’t radicals, there wouldn’t be an America.

Cafe Witness Blog “Obama Won’t Get You Laid” article

OK … whenever I find something I want tn rant about and then found someone that did it better … I just point out their post. I’ve been a fan of Justin’s work for quite a while and he hit this one right on the nose.

One thing that irks me after a major event (like the election), is the fact that people can’t figure out how to move on with their lives …. or as Cafe Witness ever so subtly points out …. the cool factor of the election is over , it’s not going to get you laid anymore. Check out his article: Cafe Witness Obama Won’t Get You Laid

Justin – Kudos, excellent article.

-SW

UPMC Screws Hope Again

There are a few things that blatantly give SW material for this blog. The most popular being idiots, local government (sorry to be redundant there), and UPMC (sorry to be redundant again).

Well, UPMC is cutting costs again ….. they are being hit by hard times ….. of course they never mention that they usually have enough left over cash to completely save most third world countries – and they claim non-profit. I think the mayor should schedule a pity party for UPMC in downtown Pittsburgh so we can donate money to help them out.

Besides the usual crap UPMC gets away with, part of the cost cutting they are doing is killing House Of Hope. It’s a program in not so scenic Braddock that helps homeless mothers, crack addicted mothers, etc recover. The fact that it works so well, is seen by many as amazing – there no other programs like it, and probably won’t be if it goes away. Here is the problems with it:

1. It’s effective, so it probably doesn’t last long enough to get more and more government funding that UPMC so cherishes.

2. It doesn’t get repeat customers – so add no. 1 to the end of this.

3. It’s in a low income area – in other words they probably wouldn’t want to take their higher up types into the area to show off the program – it might not look nice. Braddock isn’t exactly seen as a corporate fishbowl area.

Basically if it’s not profitable or doesn’t look cool – UPMC doesn’t want it. Considering UPMC has refused for so long to give back to the city and surrounding areas, killing a program that as the PG writer says “probably costs less than running the UPMC sign on the USX tower” is more than offensive. It only supports five people at a time.

As usual UPMC = a special class of greedy idiots

If you think I’m wrong in that, think this way: cancer = profit …… then look at how much UPMC invests in cancer. Once cancer is not profitable, they will drop that too.

Pittsburgh PG Reference Article

Marriage ….. You’re Next! (and The Simpsons)

Primitive Church – Cades Cove, TN

Well, as of November 8th, 2008 – I’m married. Needless to say, extremely happy about that. No – we weren’t married in the church above, but a small chapel that looked fairly close to it in Gatlinburg, TN. We’re from Pittsburgh – so why travel so far? For us it was the opportunity to start our lives in a peaceful, family environment that many people only hope to have some day in their marriages. This was very important to us to start in a way that secured a basis for the rest of our relationship ….. so when we ever have to deal with “issues” they are handled without distress. We have an 8 year old young lady in our family, so starting out in away that helps us out to be good examples was very important also. With that said, we did something different than many people did today – we went into our marriage based on our love for each other, and the fact that we trusted God, not us to match us up.

Things have changed over the years in relationships – so enough of the serious stuff, let’s look at the perks of marriage in this day in age as compared to the days when the church above may have flourished:

Olden Days: The wife cooked, cleaned, and popped out a kid every few years – along with taking care of her husband, etc. The husband was usually the only bread winner in the family – so the possible financial demise of the family solely rested on his shoulders. The father tended to be more strict financially, and the family generally more responsible.

Today: There is a good chance the wife has never seen a cook book, let alone actually learning how to cook from her mother. Cleaning may happen at the level of a Swiffer(r) or single sheet wet-mop. Financial responsibility is pretty much out the door (so for the neighbors there is usually good Jerry Springer level entertainment).

—

Olden Days: Since the wife did usually cook, there was a knife or rolling pin within her reach – which was one of the few things a husband had to fear (beside food poisoning from cooking that sat out too long).

Today: Many women take self-defense classes (Thanks Oprah), so a small knife or rolling pin are the least of a husband’s worries.

—

Olden Days: Women were submissive.

Today: Huh?

—

Olden Days: Kids listened to their parents and showed at least a little respect.

Today: “What Dad????, I can’t hear you over the ******* X-Box surround sound …… could you bother me later????”

—

Olden Days: Love was simple …… you spent the day holding hands while in rocking chairs on the porch.

Today: What the heck is a rocking chair?

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Olden Days: Quality time just happened, you thanked God for the food and life you had.

Today: “Mom, this isn’t a Happy Meal …. it’s just food …… waaaaaaaaaaaa ……. God wanted me to have a Happy meal!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”

—

Olden Days: You married because you actually loved each other …… divorce lawyers were poor.

Today: Many people married because their last night together woke up two city blocks ….. divorce lawyers now own 30 story buildings.

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Olden Days: You based your family life by the Bible.

Today: “The Simpsons” and “Married With Children” are now considered documentaries.

===============

Yup I’m married ……… my name gets change to Al or Homer next week.

Yup I’m married ……… it does get kept in a jar after your wedding night (see George Carlin references if you are confused on this one).

Yup I’m married ……… I can’t get past a half can of beer now.

Yup I’m married ……… you’re next 🙂