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Posts Tagged ‘weather humor’

Enter The Weather

September 18, 2012 Leave a comment

Got a great raised garden started this year …

Veggies grew fast, flower buds abound …

Then …

The bees left, the critters ate the flower buds, and my new raised garden slowly became a wilting weed box due to the drought.

So, what happens now, you ask????

Rain …. lots of it.  Right at the end of the garden growing season that allotted me two tomatoes, one green pepper, and five micro-miniature carrots (think eating with tweezers).

So, WTF?

I mean I realize I live in Pittsburgh, but I’m a descendent of Italian and German immigrants that farmed any of the land in Pittsburgh they set foot on and usually ended up having way to much to eat (which became compost for next years crop).

A few peppers, tomatoes, and some carrots …. that’s what I got. Now I have to go buy my crap.  I feel cheated, my ancestors owe me at least a few bushels of veggies.

…. and enter the weather … rain … can’t even cut the grass (which was dead most of the summer).

-SWB

P.S. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…….

It’s Spring!

March 10, 2010 Leave a comment

Birds are singing.

Snow is melting.

Potholes are blooming.

Green shamrocks are growing in the potholes.

You get the idea … it’s turning Spring in Pittsburgh.

—————

So what other signs of Spring do we have in this wonderful city of ours?

Let’s see:

  • The pirates are starting spring training with aspirations to actually become a baseball team again.
  • The waters are threatening to crest and carry Pittsburgh’s Primanti sandwiches out to sea.
  • The Cultural District smells like a well tuned engine with the performances of Grease (or could that be the oil leaks from the buses?).
  • Orange pylons are emerging from winter storage as Pittsburgh’s roadway obstacle courses are set for the Spring and Summer seasons.
  • In The Strip, dogs howl as the sweet voices of the Opera blend with the musical tones of the local bird song.
  • The aromas from the open doors at Pittsburgh Popcorn enlighten the senses (and unfortunately distract the drivers … that kitty never had a chance).
  • Vendors in the strip finally shed their winter garb, thaw out, and begin wakening from hibernation (it was sad how people just stole their stuff when they were sleeping over the winter).
  • Oh, and did I mention the potholes?  Well, we’re not going to make fun of the city crew, since this is really going to be a sucky Spring for them … although they fill all probably end up fitter than a fiddle (until St. Patty’s Day … along with everyone else).

-SWB

PS – Yup, Spring is in the air … so is the job market, fuel prices, home values.  Such appropriate crisis’ for the Spring 😉

I miss the snow

March 2, 2010 Leave a comment

I Miss The Snow

I miss the snow, with it’s golden white glow.

I miss the snow, giving the back pains that make me realize that I am alive.

I miss the snow, the sounds of wheezing old men that have replaced the song of the birds that have flown.

I miss the snow, the creeks of the old house as it folds into itself below.

I miss the snow, the sleds racing down and the kid’s faces just before they hit the trees and scream, “OH NO!!!”

I miss the snow, the pristine softness of the white blanket fallen from the sky as I admire it after falling on the ice down low.

I miss the snow, the men all in white with the carrot snouts and black charcoal eyes …

Oh wait … crap … those are actually the guys from the insane asylum.  They must have read my post and found out I escaped again ….

gotta run ….. and run ….. and run …..

-SWB

PS – Enjoy the snowball fights until Sunday.

Pittsburgh Dreary

March 1, 2010 Leave a comment

The Strip on a Dreary Day – click the pic to go to our Flikr low res camera photo stream.

Nothin’ like a typical Pittsburgh dreary day to make you feel like you’ve moved to London … at least that what the people from London living in Pittsburgh tell me.

Maybe we should change out unofficial city motto from “Partly Cloudy” to “Partly Dreary”.  I mean, were not like some other places with so little daylight that people are waiting in line atop of tall building to jump to their death … we just have people with constant “hangdog” looks to them.

Unfortunately makeup doesn’t help that a bit.

I’m old, so it’s even worse.

Pittsburgh adds a uniqueness to “dreary”. We create some fairly good dark poets, have produced (and sometimes still do) some great industrial bands, and of course … we make heavy use of “the blues” here.

Although we got the dreary stuff back, I’m glad the snow melted (I finally found my dog).  I think she’s a little ticked we didn’t try to search for her a little harder. We lost her the day of the big snow storm. When we realized that, we opened the door to go look for her, but in the typicalness (is that even a word??) of the Pittsburgh dreary took hold … we took one step, didn’t see her … and just figured she’d come back at some time.

… don’t go runnin’ to call PETA, we didn’t actually do that.

-SWB

PS – It’s partly dreary ‘n at (yep, that sounds cool)

It’s Back … The Orb

February 20, 2010 1 comment

Beware, but try not to be too scared. The Orb is back.

Click Here to read one of our past posts on it.

Well, I guess it’s time to figure out if the world is ending before 2012 … or at least watch out for the falling icicle daggers coming off the building you are walking next too.

Since it’s getting so hot out because of The Orb, we’re probably going to head off the Sarris for ice cream (if that part of the store is open), then to the Science Center to investigate The Orb a bit more.  We’re a little scared and a little worried – not because we haven’t seen The Orb in a while, but simply because the weather guy was worried too.  Then again, maybe he was just starting into a heart attack from the last bit of snow shoveling he did.

Enjoy the days, it looks to be back to freezing drizzle for a bit tomorrow …

-SWB

PS – Remember don’t shoot the messenger, shoot the weatherman (or weather person if you need to be PC)

Gotta love family and snow days

February 9, 2010 Leave a comment

<— this should be a familiar sight for everyone by this time – even for the people down south ({{snicker}} … us northerners aren’t the only ones that got shafted this time … HA!!)

Anyways … the real reason for my post today is to present my theory on why we have snow days, leaving us to  babysit the younginz in our family until they have school again.

Here are the ‘normal’ legitimate reasons:

  • There is now power at the school.
  • The snow is so high and temperature so low it isn’t safe for the kids to wait for the bus (even though I had to walk to school is worse crap … which highlight my theory that the schools are producing wimps these days).
  • The teachers can’t make it to the school.
  • We can’t find the buses in the parking lot.
  • There is no heat in the school.

The REAL reasons:

  • Us, the teachers, really hate your bratty kids … you need to spend a few days with your little spawns of Satan to get a reality check. Enjoy your time freezing with them in your electricity free house while enjoying their endless whining.  We’ll be here staying in the school with generator power.
  • The electric company hates you … the electricity isn’t off due to downed wires – teachers paid them enough bribes to turn it off. The perfect combination of insanity instilled in your teachers after spending years with your children and the natural hatred of electric companies towards their customers allows this to happen … the bribes weren’t even necessary, but heck, it buys a few more gifts for the kids at Christmas next year.
  • God has a sense of humor … we’re just not getting it yet. The idea of being cooped up with all or a portion of your own family for days at end with no where to go is just behind the comprehension of most folks and usually considered an inhumane form of torture.

For those keeping up, click here for an update on the storm part 2 from KDKA.

-SWB

PS – feel free to comment on your own reasons and theories for snow days.

Time to pack up the outdoor pets … including the kids

September 29, 2009 Leave a comment

falbenchYep, you guessed it by the pic … fall is quite quickly on it’s way. (BTW – isn’t it interesting how simple words like “quite quickly” when put together make you sound like you have some command of the English language??).
It’s time to get the leaf rake out, pull the fish and frogs out of the pond (if you do that), find your kid that fall / winter coat, and go back to supporting your local Starbucks (personally I support local companies like Crazy Mocha in Pittsburgh, but SWB realizes most are weak towards simple advertising tactics and don’t have the strength to support local biz …. but that’s another posting). It’s also time to attempt to locate and sift through years of Christmas decorations (because you probably dumped those decorations on top of your fall decorations and don’t remember which box(s) they are in).

Why to do many look towards the season change?

Simple.

We have something new to complain about …. hence:

^$%&^& heat

$^%#$^ leaves

@#%#$% snow

@#%$@ rain

… see – simple.

People think they look forward to the fall season (or spring, etc) because of things like the beauty of it, cuddles with a loved one, bringing back of childhood memories …. but no – it really is just so we can have something new to complain about, nothing more.

You know those wonderful kids that were playing outside all summer? … they will now be inside all day going “mommy Mommy MOMMYYYYYYY!!!” … or just yelling all the new obscenities they just learned at school, so we can probably at the following to our list of complaints:

%^$%^% kids

And the pets that can’t wait to get outside to do their “thing”,will now want to stay inside where it’s warm and of course, do their thing there – so we can add:

$%^%$^ dogs

#$$##$ cats

#$^%%$ fish

honey, the @%%#^ cat ate that #$%##%$ frog and two of the #$%#% fish, and my Scrooge figurine off of the train set.

So, really, why the picture of the cozy looking bench during fall in the city park?

The reality is … after you’ve made your first batch of Limoncello because you read my last article and all of the inhabitants of your household slowly move back in from the summer months ….. that’s probably where you will end up (with your bottle of Limoncello).

Well, good luck and enjoy the fall season …

… and remember to buy a house with a den that has a lockable door on it next time 🙂

-SWB

PS – That thing with the cat, the frog, and the fish …. yep …. that actually happens in my house.