Snow , White Snow …… Idiots, Clueless Idiots

(Near Pitt Campus – Oakland, PA)

I love snow in the winter time – it looks pretty …. but I’m like everyone else: I hate shoveling it, scraping off the car, etc …. but it makes a city look pretty for a while. Doing the other stuff seems worth it for this little gift. That is, until the idiots show up. They do, it just can’t be stopped ….. sort of like a 500lb policeman in a donut shop.

Here are some of my favorite Clueless Idiot Winter Activities that I normally spot:

1. This ranks no.1, because no matter how many times the radio, TV, or car dealerships themselves explain that the four wheel drive on gas guzzling SUVs won’t track ice – you always see at least two confused rednecks wandering around their now alternative art looking SUVs that are wrapped around telephone poles trying to figure out what happened (even though they are twenty feet from a highway lane turned ice skating rink) while on your way to work.

2. After the road crew clears and cleans the streets a massive amount of clueless idiots emerge from their homes to shovel the snow from their walkways back into the streets instead of into their yards – again making the streets nice and icy. Of course they are the first to complain when a driver loses control on the newly placed snow and ends up putting the front end of an Ford F-150 in their living room.

3. The idiot that rides his/her bike in the winter on ice covered streets, hits a car after loosing traction on the ice, then complains to the driver ….. obviously the helmet is on too tight and keeping oxygen from brain.

4. The dolts you see on TV after their cars blow up when they left the car running in the winter filling up the gas tank. This definitely proves smoking is healthier than something and that the Darwin Awards are necessary.

5. The kids that shoot their eyes out with their new Red Rider BB guns (sorry, couldn’t resist).

6. The well kept streets in the SouthSide of Pittsburgh ….. ’nuff said.

7. The clueless that cross the SouthSide streets thinking the cars can actually stop in the winter ….. splat (and possibly crunch). I’m not talking about the drunk people that have enough sense to stay walking on the sidewalk.

8. The pigeons that make the snow so colorful ….. and the people that keep feeding them. Nothing like pigeon poop designs in the snow. “Hey kid with the pigeon feeding mom …. come taste this snowball ….”.

9. The parents that stand there with that “lost puppy dog” look as their children sled ride into the streets turning them into moving speed bumps. Isn’t there a law against passing the “idiot” gene?

10. People staying inside and not running out at the immediate sight of snow to buy Screaming Weasel his Xmas present. That’s just plain rude.