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Posts Tagged ‘rant’

Exhausted

May 17, 2018 Leave a comment
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“Exhausted” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

Exhausted this time,
tired of waiting in line.

Extended beyond needs,
no life left to do deeds,

Exhausted this time,
the only thing left – a stupid rhyme.

Typing out the words,
that everyone has already heard.

Exhausted in time,
why lie?

-SWB

…… back to our really bad poetry series 🙂

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Big Truck Rant (Maybe)

May 14, 2018 Leave a comment
swbtherantfiles

Really?

Earlier this week I was picking up lawn mower parts at a big box hardware store. While I was there and going up the road that accesses the store a truck basically pushed myself and one or two other cars behind me almost or into the lane of opposing traffic.

Typical scenario – right? Typical action on a truck driver, right?

I don’t believe so – I have too many friends that professionally drive, so I don’t believe this in any way is typical. I believe a truck driver doing this is the minority.

Having said that, I beeped simply because I didn’t think the driver noticed me. At the angle he was going there was a strong possibility of a big blind spot. I finally got past him and proceeded to park and go into the store to purchase the parts I needed.

When I was in the store, the truck driver sought me out and confronted me.

He started with “Thanks for the beep – I was in the truck”.

I replied with “I beeped because I didn’t think you noticed me already half was up your rig since you only turn your turn signals on half into the turn”.

He replied with “That’s BS” and proceeded to harass me in the store. When I walked away he aggressively followed me until I got to  customer service desk. I alerted the rep of the situation and quickly checked out to make sure thy driver did not go back out to damage my car.

Later I alerted the big box hardware co via their customer service email of the harassment and fear that the driver may have also taken down my license plate to harass me or my family later.

The big box hardware co replied back with a letter that basically said “unfortunately they’re just a vendor to us, so we really don’t care”. In other words “we have better lawyers than you could ever get ….. so don’t worry about trying to take legal action to protect yourself”.

Now … this is a rant post if the driver was wrong in finding a harassing a customer of a business they were supplying it.

So, knowing other professional drivers and having their opinions … what do SWB’s readers think?  do I pursue or drop?

I still award a clueless trophy to the driver for being dumb enough to harass a customer of a business you want to remain a vendor for.

-SWB

Screaming Weasel

May 9, 2018 Leave a comment
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Yep … that’s us!

A bit about “us” – since many have only been introduced to us recently, and nobody ever reads the “about” tab – and honestly, some time we just put things in it to be goofballs.

Most of the time it’s me, the author, Lawrence Capozzolo (signed SWB). An American, or Italian/German American, or mutt, or one of the people that’s paying a mortgage to house my step-daughter’s four furry critters (two dogs, a cat, and a rat). We’re pretty sure the animals had their lawyer get their names on the deed for the house too. They may have taken ours off at this point.

SWB started originally started in 2006 when I purchased my G4 iBook and it had iWeb on it. I made my first posting after I noticed a blog called That’s Church (I’m pretty sure that was still its title back then – but I’m getting old, and memories fade fast now … so I could be incorrect.) The person writing “That’s Church” eventually went on to write for Pittsburgh Magazine.  Although my blog become popular in about fifteen countries doing about 1.2 million hits a year, I chose getting back into I.T. work (I could have been smarter and went back to school for carpentry or plumbing or HVAC …. but NO, I stuck with I.T.) therefore still writing but not keeping it up eventually doing it professionally.

The blog was started, like others at the time as a rant blog (humorous rant). I figured people would find humor in the annoying blabberings of us tech types, and I was right. Now that I’m close to 50 (ok …. REALLY close) I’m getting back into writing for it and doing photography for it again (unless otherwise stated – those photos are really mine) basically because of ageism (tech is becoming like the NFL … if you didn’t get your first Ferrari right in the beginning, the youngin’s aren’t going to give you a chance to get one now … you’re too old to work in tech) I’m back to writing. I like doing it anyway.

I don’t know if I’ll get my numbers back up or if I’ll ever get a donation (but although I’m not a non-profit, please keep in mind I have to replace two cars, a furnace, and put a kid through university – so have a heart, consider donating).  Right now I do a little sound engineering work, etc – waiting to get back into tech if I ever do.  If I just end up writing, better yet.

Back to SWB. It will continue to be a showcase for humorous rant, really bad poetry, attempts at legitimate poetry, and whatever gets thrown into it. Some others may write for it (if they do you will know). If you like the writing, please like the posts or blog – if you really like it – follow, if you think I should put it into a book – donate. Remember, books still do things like enabling me to generate enough money to donate to others that love to do what writers love to do.

The photography is also part of the showcasing in SWB, I’ve been doing this since the age of 13 …. so 36 years. You’ll notice various formats (slide, digital, modified, etc). The other site I write for Pittsburgh By Mini Cam is designed to be for low-res photography.

Yes … we do on purpose write badly, strangely, and horrendously (this is different from “badly” as it indicates a “graduate” level of “bad”). We try to make you think by readings that make you feel that Scotty forgot to but a few brain atoms back into you after beaming you up.

We just have fun.

… and we do consider padded rooms to be ultra comfy posh places. The straight jackets are slightly annoying though – especially when you have to type with your teeth.

We are the late show, art gallery, literary short, stand up comedian, sitcom, political humorist, poetm, life loving, opinionated schmucked (buggered for the British folks) up oxygen breathing carbon based units that you will hopefully learn to as least like. If not, click the “like” button anyway – people lie all the time.

-Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB – “making legimate writer groan in agony”

Those Blooming People – Stick People Entitlement

May 7, 2018 Leave a comment

 

thinkinsidethebox

… and Thoughts For The Strange

SWB Series Combined: Thoughts For The Strange and Thinking Inside The Box

Yep … a two-fer. Two columns of completely horrid writing and essay (or whatever you ant to call it) combined into one. We’re doing this for the Mils who might not want to take the time to read two whole articles … honestly we’re trying to adapt to our audience. And yes … we realize Alexa is probably actually the one reading it to them.

Think Inside The Box … protest against stick people!!!

Let’s see if we can get Alexa to give itself commands ….

“Alexa ….. read ….. crap”.

Alexa …. “reading Screaming Weasel Blog.”

… see, works every time.

Now on to something substantial {{insert groan here}}. The groaning doesn’t mean stop reading, it’ll be painful – but if we are all strong we can make it through.

Remember – I have to write this garbage … you just have to read it.

Ok …. now … really …

Those Blooming People (yes, I watch too much British TV – TV in America basically sucks, unless you’ve had your brain sucked out) – I’m tired of them, just like everyone else. Those entitled stick people walking around everywhere. They think they are due everything in life just because they were forced to spend years and years stuck to back windows on cars and trucks. They complain about everything …. and their dogs are too thin to keep leashes on them. I’ve been bitten six times by a stick dog that’s gotten out of its leash.

I mean, come on, stick people really aren’t people … they just think they are sentient after they finally fell off their perspective car or truck windows when their cage on wheels finally got turned into a cube in the end of life car compactor thingy. Yes, I said thingy – it’s a valid technical term.  No, you say?!? … sorry, it’s MY article so I can say what term is valid or not. Get – that – straight.

Now, this stick person entitlement issue.

I can understand humans becoming entitled.  I may not like it, but I can understand it. Although a technical person, at times I do actually dip into humanity – not much, but it happens – so as a result I do understand things a bit. But, even as a technical person, I’m not entitled – so why do stick people get to be? I mean it’s to the point where stick people have legislation going to keep stick dinosaurs that eat stick people from being put on cars and trucks. The stick people are completely offended that normal humans (and even tech people) take humor in them getting eaten by stick dinosaurs. It’s ridiculous, and a complete waste of the governments time. I’m sure it will end up in the Supreme Courts, wasting even more of the public’s money.

I still like Godzilla better than stick people. I grew up with Godzilla on TV. In relation to stick people … he’s my hero.

On to the box – I can see the corporate hiring quota systems changing right now:

  1. Everyone else.
  2. Stick People.
  3. Typical tech guy.

I’ll never get a real job again.

All because of stick people entitlement. I mean really, things that were once on car windows now get rights? Really??

Maybe I’ll just get a job as a gardener … let me check Indeed.

Wait, What???? I can only get a job as a gardener if no stick flowers are included in the jobs I work, because it’s been negotiated that only stick people can work on gardens with stick flowers?!?!?!?!?!?

WTF???

I give up.

-SWB

Yep … we STRESS strange on this one.

 

Snowy Pine

May 4, 2018 Leave a comment
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“Snowy Pine” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

Snowy pine,
how cold and sublime.

The sun is out and be told,
this extended cold is getting old.

The delicate white floating into sight,
tests my might to keep the positive in life.

Cold covered branches,
would be warmed with nice hot matches.

This snowy bliss is crap,
i consider to be much amiss.

Snow pine,
in no way do I claim you as mine.

-SWB

Bad poetry of the day, and an ode to Phil’s prediction of the extended winter we experienced this year.

Scientifically Proven Fact

May 4, 2018 Leave a comment
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Strange … it’s strange.We are all real.

SWB Series: Thoughts For The Strange

We are real.

It’s been proven.

There are those that contest this and insist we are all figments of each other’s imaginations brought together by a rare form of quantum entanglement.

These are the “unrealists”.

The unrealists tend to pair the flat earth folks and they may be proving slightly similar points. Only one difficulty is found in this situation, and that is the mutual felling that each is unreal and just a figment of something (imagination or otherwise).

To those that are real, reality TV is a great outlet for life and an established place for daily humor, while for unrealists is a series of documentaries of what doesn’t exist (although, there are times where the real and unrealists have agreed on that point during a show – see, reality shows are sometimes so planned that they are truly unreal and fictional, which proves points on both sides of the  real and unreal arguments … ie. the fiction is real, but the situation is unreal and all are figments of otherwise).

Insane, right?

Not to the unrealists and those trying to disprove their points (themselves at times since unrealists are really figments of themselves … they think).

Now, all of these points are scientifically proven by some type of science somewhere … you just have to find it – or make it up until it exists.  Making it up isn’t wrong – at some point everything exists. Star Trek proved that.

Did you get that transparent aluminum serving bowl yet?

One of the best points in scientific practice is to try to disprove your point or theory. This puts the unrealists in a situation where they have to try to prove everything to be “real” placing them on the side of “the real” during this process. Politically this is an issue, because it causes internal strife with many “unrealist” organizations. Many a mini civil war within the unrealists have erupted during this disapproval process – even in purely scientific situations.

Scientists on both sides are trying to resolve this argument within 100 years … although this will be a challenge since both sides are still struggling with shapes and sizes, including that of the earth.

Unreal reality may result as a compromise to the argument.

This could ultimately result in things like the economy not being real and bread becoming free – since it wouldn’t be real in the world of the unrealists.

Note: To clarify “anti-reality” is not part of this discussion as it is a separate theory practiced under a completely different scientific discipline of the twisted grass method. This method would take close to a month to summarize, so we’ll hold off on that for now.

Please remember while reading this that this is completely unreal to the unrealists and the real alike simply because it is only a few atoms meshing into some form of digital ink (and if you try to make it completely real by printing it will damage your printer … since your printer is unreal, it can’t print anything real).

All hail reality!!!

… except for the unrealists.

-SWB … scientifically proven fact at it’s best.

We believe in inciting brain damage with words to help in keeping you from becoming a drug addict or alcoholic to obtain the same result.

Furballs N Things

April 19, 2018 Leave a comment

petunia_small_framedYep … We’re suckers.

We? (My Wife, Step-Kid, and Myself … and yes, I know that’s grammatically incorrect).

Some time last October (2017), we decided to adopt a friend for our rescue who was then about 9 1/2 years old. With all of us now out working (yes, my teen has a job), even with Dad in our house now – Brandy needed a friend.

Well, great …. Brandy got a friend. Wooohoooo! Yep, didn’t know what we were getting into.

Trouble dog? Nope – love’s everyone (as long as her food bowl is safe) – especially if you give her snuggles.

Doesn’t like the new home? Nope …. works out great for her (as you can see in the pic).

So what’s the issue? …

Fur …….. lots ……. of ……… fur.

So far we’ve had a Basenji/Lab mix and a Beagle/Boxer mix.

Basenji/Lab … occasional shedding.

Beagle/Boxer … it happens, but you don’t really notice it.

Golden/Something mix …… holy ****!!!!! …… basically to date we’ve needed to be rescued by the fire department at least twice due to the overnight shedding build up.

In the middle of the night I hear my wife “….. no air ….. all fur ….. can’t breath …. help ………. gasp”

So, what should we do?

We’ve has the following ideas:

  1. Place her in a bag covering everything but her head so the can breath and permanently attached it to a vacuum cleaner, continually vaccing up the fur.
  2. Spray all of her fur (less her face) in a concentrated Aquanet coating (heck …. it worked for the big hair ladies in the 80s).
  3. Old fashioned Nair treatment (it’s been working for humans since the 40’s).

……. Note: for all of the pet lovers that will freak out about the statements about (please exclude yourself if you are a normal pet lover) … no, we are going to take any action on any of the ideas above. Our cat has advised us that the alternative resolution to our problem is for her to train us on how to hack up hairballs (and to buy an industrial vac).

… Groan

-SWB