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Archive for the ‘useless babble’ Category

A Beer’s Lament

May 11, 2018 Leave a comment
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“IC Shadow” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

A beer’s lament,
a passion unkept.

Smoke up a tube,
mash boiling in June,

A tongue tied in a bun,
tasting no longer fun.

A beer’s lament,
a passion toyed.

Shadowed from light,
it seems no longer right.

-SWB … celebrating bad poetry n brews.

sbwbadpoetry

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Screaming Weasel

May 9, 2018 Leave a comment
cluelessandconfusedbw

Yep … that’s us!

A bit about “us” – since many have only been introduced to us recently, and nobody ever reads the “about” tab – and honestly, some time we just put things in it to be goofballs.

Most of the time it’s me, the author, Lawrence Capozzolo (signed SWB). An American, or Italian/German American, or mutt, or one of the people that’s paying a mortgage to house my step-daughter’s four furry critters (two dogs, a cat, and a rat). We’re pretty sure the animals had their lawyer get their names on the deed for the house too. They may have taken ours off at this point.

SWB started originally started in 2006 when I purchased my G4 iBook and it had iWeb on it. I made my first posting after I noticed a blog called That’s Church (I’m pretty sure that was still its title back then – but I’m getting old, and memories fade fast now … so I could be incorrect.) The person writing “That’s Church” eventually went on to write for Pittsburgh Magazine.  Although my blog become popular in about fifteen countries doing about 1.2 million hits a year, I chose getting back into I.T. work (I could have been smarter and went back to school for carpentry or plumbing or HVAC …. but NO, I stuck with I.T.) therefore still writing but not keeping it up eventually doing it professionally.

The blog was started, like others at the time as a rant blog (humorous rant). I figured people would find humor in the annoying blabberings of us tech types, and I was right. Now that I’m close to 50 (ok …. REALLY close) I’m getting back into writing for it and doing photography for it again (unless otherwise stated – those photos are really mine) basically because of ageism (tech is becoming like the NFL … if you didn’t get your first Ferrari right in the beginning, the youngin’s aren’t going to give you a chance to get one now … you’re too old to work in tech) I’m back to writing. I like doing it anyway.

I don’t know if I’ll get my numbers back up or if I’ll ever get a donation (but although I’m not a non-profit, please keep in mind I have to replace two cars, a furnace, and put a kid through university – so have a heart, consider donating).  Right now I do a little sound engineering work, etc – waiting to get back into tech if I ever do.  If I just end up writing, better yet.

Back to SWB. It will continue to be a showcase for humorous rant, really bad poetry, attempts at legitimate poetry, and whatever gets thrown into it. Some others may write for it (if they do you will know). If you like the writing, please like the posts or blog – if you really like it – follow, if you think I should put it into a book – donate. Remember, books still do things like enabling me to generate enough money to donate to others that love to do what writers love to do.

The photography is also part of the showcasing in SWB, I’ve been doing this since the age of 13 …. so 36 years. You’ll notice various formats (slide, digital, modified, etc). The other site I write for Pittsburgh By Mini Cam is designed to be for low-res photography.

Yes … we do on purpose write badly, strangely, and horrendously (this is different from “badly” as it indicates a “graduate” level of “bad”). We try to make you think by readings that make you feel that Scotty forgot to but a few brain atoms back into you after beaming you up.

We just have fun.

… and we do consider padded rooms to be ultra comfy posh places. The straight jackets are slightly annoying though – especially when you have to type with your teeth.

We are the late show, art gallery, literary short, stand up comedian, sitcom, political humorist, poetm, life loving, opinionated schmucked (buggered for the British folks) up oxygen breathing carbon based units that you will hopefully learn to as least like. If not, click the “like” button anyway – people lie all the time.

-Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB – “making legimate writer groan in agony”

I Should be Happy

May 8, 2018 Leave a comment
SWBBlahBlah

Another Blah Post

SWB Series: Blah Blah Blah

Actually I am …. but nobody reads a post about someone that’s happy. It’s just way too irritating – ESPECIALLY before coffee.

Oh, just SKIP the addiction speech too. Coffee is NOT a drug, get it? Even if I was addicted I’d never admit it to you. You’re too damn perky at 6am.

I know your looking at me and in your head saying “Sure … he’s happy. As happy as a fox caught in a trap after being chased by a blue-tick hound”. (If you know where part of that sentence was from, you’re old – and possibly have a Confederate flag on your car).

Well, guess what – I AM. I’m so flipping happy flowers a blooming as I skip down the sidewalk. The bees are following right behind the flowers and starting to sting the crap out of me … but I’m still happy – it’s nature, right?

I should be happy … I keep telling people I am, they never believe me, they’re just a confused lot. I’ve put my smiling mug on Friendface (if you know what this is you’re a hopeless nerd) – doesn’t that mean I’m happy, if I’m smiling on Friendface?

I am happy I Am Happy I Am Happy I Am Ha …………..

Wait ….. 20oz medium rare steak – now I m REALLY happy.

🙂

-SWB

If ANY of this made ANY sense to you at all, even in the most smallest of ways – please seek professional help, and I’m not talking depression – you’re just messed up if this made any sense at all.

 

 

Those Blooming People – Stick People Entitlement

May 7, 2018 Leave a comment

 

thinkinsidethebox

… and Thoughts For The Strange

SWB Series Combined: Thoughts For The Strange and Thinking Inside The Box

Yep … a two-fer. Two columns of completely horrid writing and essay (or whatever you ant to call it) combined into one. We’re doing this for the Mils who might not want to take the time to read two whole articles … honestly we’re trying to adapt to our audience. And yes … we realize Alexa is probably actually the one reading it to them.

Think Inside The Box … protest against stick people!!!

Let’s see if we can get Alexa to give itself commands ….

“Alexa ….. read ….. crap”.

Alexa …. “reading Screaming Weasel Blog.”

… see, works every time.

Now on to something substantial {{insert groan here}}. The groaning doesn’t mean stop reading, it’ll be painful – but if we are all strong we can make it through.

Remember – I have to write this garbage … you just have to read it.

Ok …. now … really …

Those Blooming People (yes, I watch too much British TV – TV in America basically sucks, unless you’ve had your brain sucked out) – I’m tired of them, just like everyone else. Those entitled stick people walking around everywhere. They think they are due everything in life just because they were forced to spend years and years stuck to back windows on cars and trucks. They complain about everything …. and their dogs are too thin to keep leashes on them. I’ve been bitten six times by a stick dog that’s gotten out of its leash.

I mean, come on, stick people really aren’t people … they just think they are sentient after they finally fell off their perspective car or truck windows when their cage on wheels finally got turned into a cube in the end of life car compactor thingy. Yes, I said thingy – it’s a valid technical term.  No, you say?!? … sorry, it’s MY article so I can say what term is valid or not. Get – that – straight.

Now, this stick person entitlement issue.

I can understand humans becoming entitled.  I may not like it, but I can understand it. Although a technical person, at times I do actually dip into humanity – not much, but it happens – so as a result I do understand things a bit. But, even as a technical person, I’m not entitled – so why do stick people get to be? I mean it’s to the point where stick people have legislation going to keep stick dinosaurs that eat stick people from being put on cars and trucks. The stick people are completely offended that normal humans (and even tech people) take humor in them getting eaten by stick dinosaurs. It’s ridiculous, and a complete waste of the governments time. I’m sure it will end up in the Supreme Courts, wasting even more of the public’s money.

I still like Godzilla better than stick people. I grew up with Godzilla on TV. In relation to stick people … he’s my hero.

On to the box – I can see the corporate hiring quota systems changing right now:

  1. Everyone else.
  2. Stick People.
  3. Typical tech guy.

I’ll never get a real job again.

All because of stick people entitlement. I mean really, things that were once on car windows now get rights? Really??

Maybe I’ll just get a job as a gardener … let me check Indeed.

Wait, What???? I can only get a job as a gardener if no stick flowers are included in the jobs I work, because it’s been negotiated that only stick people can work on gardens with stick flowers?!?!?!?!?!?

WTF???

I give up.

-SWB

Yep … we STRESS strange on this one.

 

Life of flight n space

May 3, 2018 Leave a comment
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“Flight” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB Series: Thoughts For The Strange

Would you ever like to be in the air all the time?

Or just say on the ground?

What if you could do both?

What about space? You know, the final frontier?

Earth and space at the same time?

I guess that depends on the generation. I guess with my generation we’d probably skip space due to running out of Ritalin and lose interest half way to the launch pad.

The current generation … well due to the ongoing lawsuits and protests against the Earth’s gravitational field it’s probably going to be a long wait for that answer. See, the current gen has an entitlement issue with believing it should NOT have to feel the discomfort of g-forces during launch and is suing the Earth to “turn off” gravity during manned large vehicle space launches (at least for astronauts in the 22 to 35-year-old range) … or at least give them a “space travel participation trophy”.

The next generation after the Mils …. they won’t care. They’ll just do things. The rest of us will be back on Earth burning up when the Sun finally expands and starts to die, while Generation Z (or whatever they’re being called now) jets on out to Alpha Centauri for an extended vacation.

Wait ….. that’s not really what we started talking about?? Sorry … no focus, ran out of Ritalin.

Oh, yeah … back to the flying/space and ground thing.

Well, we’ve about solved the quantum physics thing, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Two places at one time … not a big deal anymore – but there are questions about being in two places at one time that are very important to get answers to:

  1. If you are on Earth and participating in space travel at the same time, when the Earth dies … do both of you? – and if only on iteration of you dies, are you stuck with half a soul? Keep in mind if you only have half a soul, you wouldn’t have a complete soul to sell off to The Evil One when you want to run for a political position, therefore eliminating you from that activity. You’d be destined to be a little-people your remaining life on whatever new planet you plop down on.
  2. Can you talk to your other physical self via deep-space communications?

Deep thought (and possibly a full script for Xanax) is required for the two questions above.

ThoughtsForTheStrangeThe life of flight … neato!

Regardless …. cheers for the quantum stuff.

-SWB

Harder than it looks

May 2, 2018 Leave a comment

sbwfyiseriousRemember seeing that person do that job that looked like a piece of cake … then you had to do it and you found out how much of a pain it really was?

Yeah, so, in reviving SWB I figured I’d keep a little of it’s “rantiness” going by writing poetry (bad, horrible poetry) – and that would be WAY easier than trying to generate some legitimate stuff.

How wrong I was.

While I do realize that some of my real attempts at poetry many seasoned writers may compare with the brown stuff that comes out of their pets – the act of producing poetic writings that everyone would truly consider excrement is actually hard.

Now …. people produce crap all the time, so why does this suddenly become hard for me??

After taking some time to think this though and discuss it with a few people that have a couple of brain cells left … I’ve determined it’s not just me. It’s a problem with everyone.

See, once we as humans make a conscious decision to produce total and complete crap, it becomes hard work. I’m not saying that humans can’t legitimately product garbage – we do it all the time. What I’m saying is that it is sooooooooo much easier if we don’t actually make an effort at it.

If you don’t believe this watch the tryouts for American Idol. Avoid eating popcorn while doing that as the kernels hurt when you gag.

…. anyway, that was my whining for the day.

-SWB

Da Roof – a copy

May 1, 2018 Leave a comment
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“Da Roof Pittsburgh” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

Da roof
Da roof
Da roof in on …

yea …. I can’t do it – plagiarise that bad even for a cool crappy poem.

Love this pic … I did as soon as I reviewed it on my camera. It just makes for a cool skyline shot and begs one question: How do you tell which one is yours? Are the locks the same too? Is each home a true copy of the one next to it? I mean, what happens if that’s true and you walk in on the couple a few doors down on their day off and having a little fun? Embarrassing.

Ok … maybe not as embarrassing as the fact that you pulled into the wrong drive-way because you can count that high (I mean … there is only about ten houses there).

Kind of reminds me of Apple products … you can’t tell the difference until you get your credit card bill.

Ahh … you thought this was going to be an Apple rant? Nope …. to easy, besides everyone else is doing that right now so I have to wait a few weeks until it’s interesting again.

Is there any purpose to this at all?

No really … the basic fact of most whining these days.

This is SWB just being tired of everything looking like an outright copy of something that existed previously (movies, people, pigeon poop). It’s tiresome …. no originality anymore. I mean, the pigeons could at least poop in different shapes.

I even make each posting look consistent … it confuses my readers less (not to mention myself).

Oh, originality … where art thou? About the 15th century, I think.

… as my dog would say {{groooooooaaaaaan}}.

The world gets an SWB Clueless award for originality.

-SWB

Thinking up more crap faster than you can erase it from your brain.