Screaming Weasel

Yep … that’s us!

A bit about “us” – since many have only been introduced to us recently, and nobody ever reads the “about” tab – and honestly, some time we just put things in it to be goofballs.

Most of the time it’s me, the author, Lawrence Capozzolo (signed SWB). An American, or Italian/German American, or mutt, or one of the people that’s paying a mortgage to house my step-daughter’s four furry critters (two dogs, a cat, and a rat). We’re pretty sure the animals had their lawyer get their names on the deed for the house too. They may have taken ours off at this point.

SWB started originally started in 2006 when I purchased my G4 iBook and it had iWeb on it. I made my first posting after I noticed a blog called That’s Church (I’m pretty sure that was still its title back then – but I’m getting old, and memories fade fast now … so I could be incorrect.) The person writing “That’s Church” eventually went on to write for Pittsburgh Magazine.  Although my blog become popular in about fifteen countries doing about 1.2 million hits a year, I chose getting back into I.T. work (I could have been smarter and went back to school for carpentry or plumbing or HVAC …. but NO, I stuck with I.T.) therefore still writing but not keeping it up eventually doing it professionally.

The blog was started, like others at the time as a rant blog (humorous rant). I figured people would find humor in the annoying blabberings of us tech types, and I was right. Now that I’m close to 50 (ok …. REALLY close) I’m getting back into writing for it and doing photography for it again (unless otherwise stated – those photos are really mine) basically because of ageism (tech is becoming like the NFL … if you didn’t get your first Ferrari right in the beginning, the youngin’s aren’t going to give you a chance to get one now … you’re too old to work in tech) I’m back to writing. I like doing it anyway.

I don’t know if I’ll get my numbers back up or if I’ll ever get a donation (but although I’m not a non-profit, please keep in mind I have to replace two cars, a furnace, and put a kid through university – so have a heart, consider donating).  Right now I do a little sound engineering work, etc – waiting to get back into tech if I ever do.  If I just end up writing, better yet.

Back to SWB. It will continue to be a showcase for humorous rant, really bad poetry, attempts at legitimate poetry, and whatever gets thrown into it. Some others may write for it (if they do you will know). If you like the writing, please like the posts or blog – if you really like it – follow, if you think I should put it into a book – donate. Remember, books still do things like enabling me to generate enough money to donate to others that love to do what writers love to do.

The photography is also part of the showcasing in SWB, I’ve been doing this since the age of 13 …. so 36 years. You’ll notice various formats (slide, digital, modified, etc). The other site I write for Pittsburgh By Mini Cam is designed to be for low-res photography.

Yes … we do on purpose write badly, strangely, and horrendously (this is different from “badly” as it indicates a “graduate” level of “bad”). We try to make you think by readings that make you feel that Scotty forgot to but a few brain atoms back into you after beaming you up.

We just have fun.

… and we do consider padded rooms to be ultra comfy posh places. The straight jackets are slightly annoying though – especially when you have to type with your teeth.

We are the late show, art gallery, literary short, stand up comedian, sitcom, political humorist, poetm, life loving, opinionated schmucked (buggered for the British folks) up oxygen breathing carbon based units that you will hopefully learn to as least like. If not, click the “like” button anyway – people lie all the time.

-Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB – “making legimate writer groan in agony”

Scientifically Proven Fact

Strange … it’s strange.We are all real.

SWB Series: Thoughts For The Strange

We are real.

It’s been proven.

There are those that contest this and insist we are all figments of each other’s imaginations brought together by a rare form of quantum entanglement.

These are the “unrealists”.

The unrealists tend to pair the flat earth folks and they may be proving slightly similar points. Only one difficulty is found in this situation, and that is the mutual felling that each is unreal and just a figment of something (imagination or otherwise).

To those that are real, reality TV is a great outlet for life and an established place for daily humor, while for unrealists is a series of documentaries of what doesn’t exist (although, there are times where the real and unrealists have agreed on that point during a show – see, reality shows are sometimes so planned that they are truly unreal and fictional, which proves points on both sides of the  real and unreal arguments … ie. the fiction is real, but the situation is unreal and all are figments of otherwise).

Insane, right?

Not to the unrealists and those trying to disprove their points (themselves at times since unrealists are really figments of themselves … they think).

Now, all of these points are scientifically proven by some type of science somewhere … you just have to find it – or make it up until it exists.  Making it up isn’t wrong – at some point everything exists. Star Trek proved that.

Did you get that transparent aluminum serving bowl yet?

One of the best points in scientific practice is to try to disprove your point or theory. This puts the unrealists in a situation where they have to try to prove everything to be “real” placing them on the side of “the real” during this process. Politically this is an issue, because it causes internal strife with many “unrealist” organizations. Many a mini civil war within the unrealists have erupted during this disapproval process – even in purely scientific situations.

Scientists on both sides are trying to resolve this argument within 100 years … although this will be a challenge since both sides are still struggling with shapes and sizes, including that of the earth.

Unreal reality may result as a compromise to the argument.

This could ultimately result in things like the economy not being real and bread becoming free – since it wouldn’t be real in the world of the unrealists.

Note: To clarify “anti-reality” is not part of this discussion as it is a separate theory practiced under a completely different scientific discipline of the twisted grass method. This method would take close to a month to summarize, so we’ll hold off on that for now.

Please remember while reading this that this is completely unreal to the unrealists and the real alike simply because it is only a few atoms meshing into some form of digital ink (and if you try to make it completely real by printing it will damage your printer … since your printer is unreal, it can’t print anything real).

All hail reality!!!

… except for the unrealists.

-SWB … scientifically proven fact at it’s best.

We believe in inciting brain damage with words to help in keeping you from becoming a drug addict or alcoholic to obtain the same result.

The message

I left a message …

did you get it?

-SWB

… entered for the world’s worst and shortest writing.

Life of flight n space

“Flight” (c)Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB Series: Thoughts For The Strange

Would you ever like to be in the air all the time?

Or just say on the ground?

What if you could do both?

What about space? You know, the final frontier?

Earth and space at the same time?

I guess that depends on the generation. I guess with my generation we’d probably skip space due to running out of Ritalin and lose interest half way to the launch pad.

The current generation … well due to the ongoing lawsuits and protests against the Earth’s gravitational field it’s probably going to be a long wait for that answer. See, the current gen has an entitlement issue with believing it should NOT have to feel the discomfort of g-forces during launch and is suing the Earth to “turn off” gravity during manned large vehicle space launches (at least for astronauts in the 22 to 35-year-old range) … or at least give them a “space travel participation trophy”.

The next generation after the Mils …. they won’t care. They’ll just do things. The rest of us will be back on Earth burning up when the Sun finally expands and starts to die, while Generation Z (or whatever they’re being called now) jets on out to Alpha Centauri for an extended vacation.

Wait ….. that’s not really what we started talking about?? Sorry … no focus, ran out of Ritalin.

Oh, yeah … back to the flying/space and ground thing.

Well, we’ve about solved the quantum physics thing, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Two places at one time … not a big deal anymore – but there are questions about being in two places at one time that are very important to get answers to:

1. If you are on Earth and participating in space travel at the same time, when the Earth dies … do both of you? – and if only on iteration of you dies, are you stuck with half a soul? Keep in mind if you only have half a soul, you wouldn’t have a complete soul to sell off to The Evil One when you want to run for a political position, therefore eliminating you from that activity. You’d be destined to be a little-people your remaining life on whatever new planet you plop down on.
2. Can you talk to your other physical self via deep-space communications?

Deep thought (and possibly a full script for Xanax) is required for the two questions above.

The life of flight … neato!

Regardless …. cheers for the quantum stuff.

-SWB

We’re being watched …

“Shut up and give me food” (c) Lawrence A Capozzolo

Yes, we’re being watched,

All the time, everywhere, everyplace …

By the most offended people on the planet.

Ourselves.

Yep …. we seem to offend ourselves so much that we are in a perpetual loop of self-amusement.

We’ve taken offense to a completely new art form … we are now at the point of being offending from more than one direction by the multiply offended who are offended by the offenses of the overly offended (how DARE the offended take a bigger offense to US being offended!! – THIS IS ATROCIOUS!!). I’m offended – I want “Night Court” back on TV so I can state my offense on a non-offended, offensively offending sitcom where any offense cannot be taken seriously (how can you not be indescribably offended by the non-offense of an 80s sitcom …. WTF????).

Come one, humans …. have I made my point?

Talk to each other, face to face …. not through special interest groups.

When humans talk to humans, politics ends … when humans talk through SIGs only, humanity ends.

… think a little bit before being offended and take time to talk to the other humans …. they may be going through the same thing, just on different section of the color wheel. We all have brains, we all have hearts ….. time to make them active again.

Practice “human therapy” and the animals will still have people to feed them.

-SWB

P.S. This SWB Clueless award goes to all humans. We seem to have simply given up on understanding that talking can solve many, if not all issues. Will all of the talking be nice, happy, and surrounded by cute picket fences? …. no – some will be passionate and to the point, but it will be talking. Will we all agree – no, but at least we will be talking.

The Next Barbie Crisis ….

Uh oh …. we got a tattooed Barbie now. It’s not bad enough that we have a Barbie that looks perfect and poisons our little girls heads on how people should look …… noooooo ….. now we have to go alternative.

Parents …. Watch Out! Don’t Buy It! Your children will never will turn into green haired, tattoo wearing, pot smoking trolls that have bad images about themselves!

Geez …..

Is it really that slow of a news week??

I consider it utter nonsense that parents no longer have the guts to personally tell their children that they cannot have a toy – and even less guts to explain why. BTW – the tattoos they are giving with the Tattoo Barbie are the same ones you buy your kid out of the gum ball machines.

-SWB

PS – somehow I see other countries doubled over laughing at us on this one.

Utter Nonsense and Your Job

‘Utter Nonsense and Such’ … a new series from SWB. Life experiences of mine in work and other areas that are Utterly Nonsense but possibly effective.

For my first one I go back to my life in semi-fast-food.

If you’ve worked in food services you know that managerial idiots are normally common and abundant. A former co-worker found a way to combat that: As other workers were being screamed at to do everything but what they were trained to do my friend would stand in view of the manager-in-heat and quitely stare at the knife he was ever so slowly sharpening. Now, I know he was completely sane – but the manager didn’t. Considering his work was way over top-notch, HR would not allow them to get rid of him. So …. while others (as I previously mentioned) were getting a blasting from the top management types, they would normally ask him in a quiet kind manner if he would consider doing something other than sharpening his knife. He usually didn’t respond, and they would just walk away – freeing up his time to actually do the work he was initially assigned for that day. He was the only one that really ever got his own work completed.

Now … for the clueless and lacking of common sense reading this blog posting … SWB is in no way telling you to sharpen a knife in an insane psychotic manner at your workplace (this was just a re-telling of my experience with a friend) … but be creative: talk to the voices inside your monitor in your cube, hold your pencil or pen in a constant death-grip, hang multiple paintings of ‘Matrix’ coding on your walls at work and write notes about them on a small pad while management looks on, water dead plants while talking to them like they are your pets, etc. People will leave you alone to get your work done, and treat you ever so much more nicely just out of the simple fear that you are slowly slipping away from reality. Think up something appropriate for your workplace, industry, and general surroundings that won’t get you put in jail or immediately fired. Remember – this is an exercise to make you life easier and give you a few minutes of comedy each day.

-SWB

SWB Tip … remember to discern advice from anyone. If you are stupid enough to take stupid advice – your are just stupid. Nothing more.