STOP!! Dangerous Tunnel Ahead

Original Post Date: May 09 2006

There are allot of things Pittsburgh is known for:  bridges, potholes, and of course ….. tunnels.   Now I know tunnels are not common to everyone, especially in states where the land is fairly flat, but why do tunnels cause every idiot on the road to instantly spike their brakes?   For as long and I can remember, I’ve always envisioned this big sign above all of the tunnels in Pittsburgh that reads “Stop!!! Dangerous Tunnel Ahead”.  Now, are people scared of these things?  Do they think that they are the entrance to an endless abyss?   Do they imagine the boogie man from their childhood lives in the Pittsburgh tunnels?  I have no idea.

I can’t even complain about Penndot on this issue, because  they have tried to combat the idiots.  Near most of the tunnels I now see a flashing amber sign that reads “Keep speed through tunnel”.  But because of some rare disease, the ever so intelligent driver interprets this as “Quick …… hit your brakes, you’re about to enter the cave of the Pittsburgh tunnel monster, he will eat you and you will die!”.   I’ve seen move five car wrecks because the same people that insist on doing 80 on the road just before the tunnel (you know that $%%^$ that cut you off trying to get to the tunnel before you did), are the people that hit their brakes as soon as they get to the tunnel …. even if nobody is in front of them.

Now, my answer to fixing this may be a little extreme – but when people are THAT scared of going into a hole in the side of a hill, you need extreme to overcome extreme stupid.   I say we take a few of the National Guard guys nearing retirement and let them stand at the entrances to the tunnels holding RPGs.  As soon as a driver spikes their brakes or goes below 45 mph, the National Guard guy starts to take aim.   Bet ya  that makes someone hit the gas pedal fast!  Now, don’t get me wrong …. I really don’t advocate violence to correct a situation like the timid drivers entering our tunnels.  The RPGs would be fake (but the drivers wouldn’t know), so just enough intimidation would be implemented  to inspire these timid drivers to gain a little courage.  Just think of how a little courage would improve their lives ….. they might even grow a big enough set of {{censored for the kiddies}} to get a new job someday 🙂

There is hope for the timid tunnel driving idiot – they just need a little inspiration.