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Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

Screaming Weasel

May 9, 2018 Leave a comment
cluelessandconfusedbw

Yep … that’s us!

A bit about “us” – since many have only been introduced to us recently, and nobody ever reads the “about” tab – and honestly, some time we just put things in it to be goofballs.

Most of the time it’s me, the author, Lawrence Capozzolo (signed SWB). An American, or Italian/German American, or mutt, or one of the people that’s paying a mortgage to house my step-daughter’s four furry critters (two dogs, a cat, and a rat). We’re pretty sure the animals had their lawyer get their names on the deed for the house too. They may have taken ours off at this point.

SWB started originally started in 2006 when I purchased my G4 iBook and it had iWeb on it. I made my first posting after I noticed a blog called That’s Church (I’m pretty sure that was still its title back then – but I’m getting old, and memories fade fast now … so I could be incorrect.) The person writing “That’s Church” eventually went on to write for Pittsburgh Magazine.  Although my blog become popular in about fifteen countries doing about 1.2 million hits a year, I chose getting back into I.T. work (I could have been smarter and went back to school for carpentry or plumbing or HVAC …. but NO, I stuck with I.T.) therefore still writing but not keeping it up eventually doing it professionally.

The blog was started, like others at the time as a rant blog (humorous rant). I figured people would find humor in the annoying blabberings of us tech types, and I was right. Now that I’m close to 50 (ok …. REALLY close) I’m getting back into writing for it and doing photography for it again (unless otherwise stated – those photos are really mine) basically because of ageism (tech is becoming like the NFL … if you didn’t get your first Ferrari right in the beginning, the youngin’s aren’t going to give you a chance to get one now … you’re too old to work in tech) I’m back to writing. I like doing it anyway.

I don’t know if I’ll get my numbers back up or if I’ll ever get a donation (but although I’m not a non-profit, please keep in mind I have to replace two cars, a furnace, and put a kid through university – so have a heart, consider donating).  Right now I do a little sound engineering work, etc – waiting to get back into tech if I ever do.  If I just end up writing, better yet.

Back to SWB. It will continue to be a showcase for humorous rant, really bad poetry, attempts at legitimate poetry, and whatever gets thrown into it. Some others may write for it (if they do you will know). If you like the writing, please like the posts or blog – if you really like it – follow, if you think I should put it into a book – donate. Remember, books still do things like enabling me to generate enough money to donate to others that love to do what writers love to do.

The photography is also part of the showcasing in SWB, I’ve been doing this since the age of 13 …. so 36 years. You’ll notice various formats (slide, digital, modified, etc). The other site I write for Pittsburgh By Mini Cam is designed to be for low-res photography.

Yes … we do on purpose write badly, strangely, and horrendously (this is different from “badly” as it indicates a “graduate” level of “bad”). We try to make you think by readings that make you feel that Scotty forgot to but a few brain atoms back into you after beaming you up.

We just have fun.

… and we do consider padded rooms to be ultra comfy posh places. The straight jackets are slightly annoying though – especially when you have to type with your teeth.

We are the late show, art gallery, literary short, stand up comedian, sitcom, political humorist, poetm, life loving, opinionated schmucked (buggered for the British folks) up oxygen breathing carbon based units that you will hopefully learn to as least like. If not, click the “like” button anyway – people lie all the time.

-Lawrence A Capozzolo

SWB – “making legimate writer groan in agony”

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Furballs N Things

April 19, 2018 Leave a comment

petunia_small_framedYep … We’re suckers.

We? (My Wife, Step-Kid, and Myself … and yes, I know that’s grammatically incorrect).

Some time last October (2017), we decided to adopt a friend for our rescue who was then about 9 1/2 years old. With all of us now out working (yes, my teen has a job), even with Dad in our house now – Brandy needed a friend.

Well, great …. Brandy got a friend. Wooohoooo! Yep, didn’t know what we were getting into.

Trouble dog? Nope – love’s everyone (as long as her food bowl is safe) – especially if you give her snuggles.

Doesn’t like the new home? Nope …. works out great for her (as you can see in the pic).

So what’s the issue? …

Fur …….. lots ……. of ……… fur.

So far we’ve had a Basenji/Lab mix and a Beagle/Boxer mix.

Basenji/Lab … occasional shedding.

Beagle/Boxer … it happens, but you don’t really notice it.

Golden/Something mix …… holy ****!!!!! …… basically to date we’ve needed to be rescued by the fire department at least twice due to the overnight shedding build up.

In the middle of the night I hear my wife “….. no air ….. all fur ….. can’t breath …. help ………. gasp”

So, what should we do?

We’ve has the following ideas:

  1. Place her in a bag covering everything but her head so the can breath and permanently attached it to a vacuum cleaner, continually vaccing up the fur.
  2. Spray all of her fur (less her face) in a concentrated Aquanet coating (heck …. it worked for the big hair ladies in the 80s).
  3. Old fashioned Nair treatment (it’s been working for humans since the 40’s).

……. Note: for all of the pet lovers that will freak out about the statements about (please exclude yourself if you are a normal pet lover) … no, we are going to take any action on any of the ideas above. Our cat has advised us that the alternative resolution to our problem is for her to train us on how to hack up hairballs (and to buy an industrial vac).

… Groan

-SWB

The Mascot, The Poodle, Stereotypes, and the quest for readership

September 13, 2016 Leave a comment

brandycmYou guessed it … it had to happen … one of the pets of a SWB writer became the mascot.

Was this because of the old, wise-dog look of an 8.5 year old pup?

No.

Was it because she did something terrible, like eating the toy poodle sitting next to her and we’re trying to clear her name?

Possibly.

Here’s the truth … we’ll stoop as low as possible to get readership … as most blog owners will. It’s just reality. When you are competing against tens of thousands of other writers than can’t write, along with another ten thousand legitimate journalists with blogs, resorting to a pic of a cute pup enjoying the day at an outdoor coffee shop works …

at least with the women (yes, that was a sexist statement … we know it … but it’s true, so we’re still using it). We couldn’t find a football to stick next to the dog, so we know the guys will care less about the post (stereotypes are our thing).

No we didn’t feed the dog coffee, well … at least we didn’t until she held the poodle hostage.

Hmm …. actually, maybe we should have let her keep the poodle as a hostage as leverage to see if we could get her signed as the mascot for the Riverhounds (oh wait … they don’t make enough money yet). Maybe we can get a deal with the Steelers … on the other hand, they already have a dog (Ben).

We need a sports team that wants a mascot so I can make a ton of money off the last few years of this animal, buy a new house, and stop writing this crap.

Maybe the Pirates (they’re resembling a country dog now …. lay on porch, do nothing).

… or the Penguins (wait …. I can’t pick on them – Mario only lives a mile from where I’m writing this, and he’s bigger than I am).

Dreams.

Yes … she ate the poodle – said it tasted like cat hair.

-SWB

P.S. We hope you enjoyed the mindless sanctuary your brain went into when you were reading this – it will help your therapist enjoy your next session.

P.S. P.S. PLEASE tell your friends you actually read this garbage … the more people we dumb down, the smarter our blog looks 🙂   Cool, huh? Modern marketing at work.