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Posts Tagged ‘bad writing’

The Mascot, The Poodle, Stereotypes, and the quest for readership

September 13, 2016 Leave a comment

brandycmYou guessed it … it had to happen … one of the pets of a SWB writer became the mascot.

Was this because of the old, wise-dog look of an 8.5 year old pup?

No.

Was it because she did something terrible, like eating the toy poodle sitting next to her and we’re trying to clear her name?

Possibly.

Here’s the truth … we’ll stoop as low as possible to get readership … as most blog owners will. It’s just reality. When you are competing against tens of thousands of other writers than can’t write, along with another ten thousand legitimate journalists with blogs, resorting to a pic of a cute pup enjoying the day at an outdoor coffee shop works …

at least with the women (yes, that was a sexist statement … we know it … but it’s true, so we’re still using it). We couldn’t find a football to stick next to the dog, so we know the guys will care less about the post (stereotypes are our thing).

No we didn’t feed the dog coffee, well … at least we didn’t until she held the poodle hostage.

Hmm …. actually, maybe we should have let her keep the poodle as a hostage as leverage to see if we could get her signed as the mascot for the Riverhounds (oh wait … they don’t make enough money yet). Maybe we can get a deal with the Steelers … on the other hand, they already have a dog (Ben).

We need a sports team that wants a mascot so I can make a ton of money off the last few years of this animal, buy a new house, and stop writing this crap.

Maybe the Pirates (they’re resembling a country dog now …. lay on porch, do nothing).

… or the Penguins (wait …. I can’t pick on them – Mario only lives a mile from where I’m writing this, and he’s bigger than I am).

Dreams.

Yes … she ate the poodle – said it tasted like cat hair.

-SWB

P.S. We hope you enjoyed the mindless sanctuary your brain went into when you were reading this – it will help your therapist enjoy your next session.

P.S. P.S. PLEASE tell your friends you actually read this garbage … the more people we dumb down, the smarter our blog looks 🙂   Cool, huh? Modern marketing at work.

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City Life In Used Shoes

April 7, 2010 Leave a comment

Is this another one of those posting where we use a catchy title just to get someone to read the posting so we get hits on it?

Probably.

But someone will read it.

While Market Square downtown is getting completed around me and the sounds of some uncoordinated idiot dropping something in the food court of PPG place sing in my ears I figured I write about my used shoes in the city.

That’s right … they are starting to crack, they smell, and now the same color as the bricks on the walkway.  I know that the only thing you want to know about is that they smell … there’s gotta be a few people into weird things like that.  I’ll put them up for sale on Ebay if anyone is interested.  They’re the original shoes used to walk most of the grounds while shooting pics for Pittsburgh By Mini Cam, so the collectibility value is up there.

That’s the whole post … I mean how much can you write about old shoes???

What did you expect?  Substance?

Oh, Get Real People!!!

They’re old, they hurt my feet, and they smell bad … that’s it!

-SWB

PS – If yinz can get some of the local politicians to do something stupid I’ll have something better to write about (with lots of substance … which means you probably won’t read it).  Geez.