Home > opinion, Pittsburgh > Stress: An American Institution

Stress: An American Institution

Original Post date: May 19 2006

We all love stress, don’t we?   Out of all the things Americans produce, compared to all other countries (even those ones with nut case dictators), it’s the one thing we produce well and in a very large abundance.

It doesn’t matter what the subject – work, home, life, etc, we stress about it.   Sometimes it can’t be helped.  You know, the company you work for gives you a ton more work than you can possibly handle,  your wife gives you a to do list that will take you three lifetimes to complete, the record store doesn’t carry the old ABBA cd you love and your vinyl copy has worn out.  Even if the issue has a simple fix attached to it, we’d rather stress for an hour about the fix than actually spend five minutes fixing it.   This is part of the American Life we need to change so we can be more productive – not for “the company”, but just for ourselves.   The more we stress, the more work seems worse, our families get ignored, and our lives get darker – not to mention the doctors getting richer off of our stress.
Now, here is an idea – Outsource!   Yup!  Outsource stress.  Think about it, get someone else to deal with your sh*t, and no longer worry about it.   Just think, that to do list you came home to on Friday night that ruined all of your weekend plans – e-mail it to some personal outsourcing firm in another country that is sending workers over here, and never worry about it again.   It’s being done by large corporations, so, why can’t the individual take advantage of outsourcing.   It would probably be less costly than the time you spend stressing over it, and it now becomes someone else’s problem.  Yo ….. all you over seas outsourcing companies …… take note of the new wave …. Personal Outsourcing!
Since you can’t outsource all of your stress, you are either going to just have to deal with the rest, or be creative.  By being creative, I mean finding a good massage therapist, a good import beer that has much more alcohol than the American brands, or just hire the kid next door to handle the rest of your crap (he’s younger and has much more energy to deal with it – and if you give him a $50 for Christmas, he’ll probably even deal with your wife’s yelling for a year – or husband’s, etc).
So, start a trent and fire the shrink you hired (it’s not working out anyway for $150/hr they charge these days), and put that money to good use and outsource your stress!  Anyone for trying to get the U.S. government to consider stress and exportable product so we can all get tax breaks on it if we farm our stress out to other counties?  Consider it, they’ve passed dumber things in bills.
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Categories: opinion, Pittsburgh
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