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Posts Tagged ‘pet humor’

The Mascot, The Poodle, Stereotypes, and the quest for readership

September 13, 2016 Leave a comment

brandycmYou guessed it … it had to happen … one of the pets of a SWB writer became the mascot.

Was this because of the old, wise-dog look of an 8.5 year old pup?

No.

Was it because she did something terrible, like eating the toy poodle sitting next to her and we’re trying to clear her name?

Possibly.

Here’s the truth … we’ll stoop as low as possible to get readership … as most blog owners will. It’s just reality. When you are competing against tens of thousands of other writers than can’t write, along with another ten thousand legitimate journalists with blogs, resorting to a pic of a cute pup enjoying the day at an outdoor coffee shop works …

at least with the women (yes, that was a sexist statement … we know it … but it’s true, so we’re still using it). We couldn’t find a football to stick next to the dog, so we know the guys will care less about the post (stereotypes are our thing).

No we didn’t feed the dog coffee, well … at least we didn’t until she held the poodle hostage.

Hmm …. actually, maybe we should have let her keep the poodle as a hostage as leverage to see if we could get her signed as the mascot for the Riverhounds (oh wait … they don’t make enough money yet). Maybe we can get a deal with the Steelers … on the other hand, they already have a dog (Ben).

We need a sports team that wants a mascot so I can make a ton of money off the last few years of this animal, buy a new house, and stop writing this crap.

Maybe the Pirates (they’re resembling a country dog now …. lay on porch, do nothing).

… or the Penguins (wait …. I can’t pick on them – Mario only lives a mile from where I’m writing this, and he’s bigger than I am).

Dreams.

Yes … she ate the poodle – said it tasted like cat hair.

-SWB

P.S. We hope you enjoyed the mindless sanctuary your brain went into when you were reading this – it will help your therapist enjoy your next session.

P.S. P.S. PLEASE tell your friends you actually read this garbage … the more people we dumb down, the smarter our blog looks 🙂   Cool, huh? Modern marketing at work.

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The Continuing Saga Of The Tad-Frog

May 14, 2009 Leave a comment

tadfrogwithlegsCurrent shot of our Tad-Frog with his new legs. I woke up this morning to find out my Tad-Frog finally has front legs. i’m happy for him, but a little disappointed personally, as it was fun owning a freak of nature, and we were kind of hoping he’s obtain us some extra income from the industrial park across the street.

We’re not sure what spawned the change. It could have been nature, and the fact that it is spring (although he’s in a 55 gallon tank and probably doesn’t know the difference). It also could have also been his deep desire to get away from the Killer Goldfish in the tank with him. Maybe he was just a little slower than the other tadpoles. We’ll never really know. We just home the other frogs will accept him.

-SWB

PS – It would be cool if he kept the tail … it’s pretty big now, along with the fact that would mess with some of the Darwin theories.

Romancing The Dogs and Memory Foam Slippers

May 14, 2009 2 comments

swbtwitterHere is some advice to the gents out there … if you want to seem romantic to your wife, bring home some memory foam slippers.

I stop every once in a while at a store near our house and occasionally buy my wife a small gift – a nice smelling candle, slippers, cute figurine, etc.  It makes her happy – and thus, makes me happy.  We’ve been married a little under a year now, and so far the romance part of the deal has been fairly easy because there hasn’t been much competition.

In step the dogs.

Our dogs obviously noticed that the new slippers made my wife happy and relaxed.  When she was on the couch watching TV with me (actually napping), both dogs carefully positioned themselves to cuddle with her.  The one dog, a basenji is actually smart enough to know how to “hug” a little bit and proceeded to suck up with that technique.  Our less intelligent boxer mix just does it’s best to look cute.  Every time I tried to get closer to my wife, they snuggled more.

My dogs were actually competing against me for romancing my wife.

This seemed a little strange.

Of course, my wife was snoring by this time and really didn’t care … but I did.  Do you have any idea what it does to the shallow part of a guy’s ego when dogs start getting jealous for his wife’s attention? Sorry folks, but inter-species love is just not my thing.

I was a little hurt too, considering my one dog was with me for eight years before even meeting my wife.  I buy all of the dog’s food also …. geez. It’s amazing how two little animals can make you feel like Rodney Dangerfield.

-SWB

PS – Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to know what my dogs have to say 🙂

My Tad-Frog

March 7, 2009 Leave a comment

tadfrog1Dazed and confused frog

He’s real, and he’s really one of my pets. It’s a tad-frog!!

This is one of the tadpoles that never became a frog from the pond we have in our yard. Considering we live right next to an industrial park, we figured this is just the way he is supposed to be. He actually appears quite happy eating everything the goldfish miss, occasionally nipping on the plants, and really doesn’t seem to long become a actual frog.

Looking this phenomenon up online, it seems this only happens near industrial plants, dump sites, etc. The goldfish are a little strange too …. they were about an inch long last year when we took them out of the pond … they are about three inches now. I’ll start to worry if they start growing arms and lets. Now if my step-kid starts growing limbs, that could work for a sports scholarship. She’s kind of a tom-boy anyway.

-SWB

PS – I know this would probably make me a bad step-dad, but if while we are living here the kid really does start growing extra limbs, I’m selling the pics to The Globe to pay for her college education.