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Writer’s Block As A Job

swbtwitterSince I awoke today, I’ve been trying to think about what to blog about. Blank. I thought it was lack of coffee … nope. I thought maybe it was because I was in a good mood and didn’t event want to rant about anything … nope. After pondering into the open yonder of intellectual darkness, I came to the conclusion that I had writer’s block.

I can already envision a few of yinz screaming “Hallelujah!!!” and popping the corks off the vintage champagne you’ve been reserving for a big celebration.

The are a few things I probably could have written about: Job loss … mine may be close, but everyone else is is the same boat and blogging about that, so no reason to make it worse. I could probably rant about health care, but that’s a huge complex issues no one side really understands anymore. I could have written about my 200k mile aging Honda, which still runs better than a brand new Chrysler or GM (could that be the reason for their current financial issues????). No, I finally figured I write about writer’s block.

So, how?? Well, I figured since SWB tends to be the sarcastic entity it is we would go about trying to figure out how to create a “writer’s block therapy” that is 100% infomercial worthy. I mean if someone can create an exercise device basically out of a bent aluminum tube with foam grips at the end call an “Ab Torturer” and sell it for $69.95 + $79.95 shipping and handling … I can create “doctor approved” psychological jibberish in book form that I sell for at least $39.95 + 79.95 shipping an handling. Heck, I’d even through in the “Ab Torturer” for $59.95 and no extra shipping, a total of $89.95 in savings on both items.

How do I proceed. I figured I’d apply for the next set of stimulus packages. Think about it. Infomercials generate a ton of cash flow, thanks to Mr PT Barnum, who is best known for the quote “there’s a sucker born every minute” (but denies ever saying that). Then I’ll use some of my stimulus money to get the book printed with a snazzy cover, title it something catchy like “Writer’s Block … the forgotten authors and the help they need”, hire both a hot guy and girl (we want to be P.C. here), give them both hard luck with massive success after reading my book stories, and put it on cable about the time intoxicated writers get home. Note: Their intoxication may be the main reason for their writer’s block, but we definitely won’t cover that in the book (that is until the printing runs out and we publish our follow up book titled “Overcoming Writer’s Block Due To Alcoholism – The Crash Course”).

After our success with the two books, we will still be riding around in out 1997 Honda (because we haven’t changed and just wanted to help people), and will start on our new book “Penny Pinching Other People’s Money for Your Own Success”. The book will be geared towards upper executives and will come with a 24k gold plated “Ab Torturer”. BTW – our Saleen S7 will be parked in Miami which we will only drive on trips to fund raising events.

-SWB

PS – After writing this I feel really unaccomplished because I actually work in a legitimate industry. Sad.

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