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The Happy Workplace Masochist

Original Post Date: May 16 2006
Are you one of those people that are truly happy to go to work? Are you one of those people that would gladly give up a night of wild fornication with a hot person of the opposite sex to put extra time into that project at work? Well, one of three things have happened – the company you work for actually created a nice working environment, your wife is ready to ‘take half’ and you now see work as relaxation, or you are a masochist. Most likely the third – and probably in deep denial about it.

Now, I know when most people think of the word masochist they usually think of a professional mistress holding whips and chains, along with other fun toys. Think about it though – one of the most popular parts of BDSM is the act of humiliation. Your boss probably was that professional Master or Mistress. Isn’t the personality about the same? These people no longer live within the back pages of the City Paper, they have found their place in upper management, where humiliation is taken to an art form. With all of the people that get ‘beaten down’ on a daily basis at their jobs, kind of appropriate, don’t you think?
OK … are all places like this? No …… McDonald’s is good. Free fries for lunch n stuff and you can probably make manager by 18 1/2 years of age. You know the quality of your workplace is declining when fast food looks good again and you feel like fighting the geek with the broken glasses behind the counter to get his job. So, how do you combat this? Scare ‘em. And how do you scare upper management? It’s easy. Start thinking for yourself, take initiative on projects before being asked to, and show an overwhelming amount of ambition towards your daily work. As your self esteem gets bigger and bigger, look at the management in your company – their legs are probably starting to quiver, and they have that worried look on their faces.
Now, are they getting like this because they fear you might one day work well enough they would actually have to give you a raise or that you might be able to take their job? No, absolutely not. They have no fear of that. What they fear is the fact they may actually have to do something other than tell their secretary to “call someone”. They might actually have to work or at least attempt to look like they are. So have fun, scare em a little.
To those managers that actually do work – KUDOS, you are putting the shivers into your fellow execs and giving the rest of us something amusing to watch. It’s kind of like that reaction you get in a rabbit when a large dog is hanging over them – too scared to move, too scared to fight …. doesn’t have enough experience in the situation to know what to do.
Now, to the happy workplace masochist – a ‘call to arms’ (no this doesn’t mean go postal on your boss). It just means don’t give em what they want, push back a little. Even if you don’t get what you want, it’s always fun to watch the reaction. If you get fired – there is always Mickey D’s – oh, and Wal-Mart. So give up the whips and floggers at work and actually get a life. It’s hard at first. Having someone at work actually respect you for what you do takes a little getting used to. Being asked to do a project simply because your boss knows you will complete it the best and not being asked just because they want to pawn it off on someone throws allot of people off.
If you truly are the happy workplace masochist, please put a sign on your back to identify yourself. If your boss can take advantage of you, let the rest of us. It will let you enjoy your life as you want it, and let the rest of us get practice in for when we become managers.
Am I ranting and poking at this type of person? – yes, and simply because you make the workplace, not your managers – unless you let them. This is also one of the reasons big corporations run our country and not the government of the people – the attitude of the happy workplace masochist. Was I cruel in this article – probably, but isn’t that what the happy workplace masochist expects and wants?
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Categories: opinion, Pittsburgh
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