Home > opinion, Pittsburgh, political > Word Of The Day: TEAM

Word Of The Day: TEAM

Original Post Date: May 06 2006

“Team Meeting!!!” ….. the word we all know and love to hear out of a manager’s mouth – for most peons (people lower than actual management), it usually translates directly into “Bend Over!!!”. Before we go on with this wonderful cynical rant, let us spend a few moments and clarify definitions:

From Merriam-Webster(tm)(unreality): to yoke or join in a team; also : to put together in a coordinated ensemble.
From Corporate or Management (reality): a group of five or more individuals of which three or more are desired by management to be kept around. The remaining individuals on the team may or may not be liked or cared for by management, but are capable of doing the job to aid in keeping the individuals management likes in the organization.
Looking at the two definitions above, which one works best in the company you work for or the industry you are in? Ummm …… let me have a crack at guessing ……. hmmm …. this is really hard …… I’ll guess: the second definition. Ding, ding, ding – yup – got it right, and WOW, I won that blender I really wanted!!! It’ll help me make those margaritas that get me through life after the work day. If you notice the two main words that really describe the function of a team are nowhere to be found in the corporate definition: “together” and “coordinated”.
The usual situation is the boss’s fav’s taking long lunches, browsing the sports pages … basically doing anything other than actually contributing to the team WORK. This usually leave one or two (two only if it is a very large team) person(s) to work “together” to find an efficient end result. You can usually spot these person(s) quickly …. they are the one(s) double fisting Mylanta and taking migraine pills like they are PEZ. Of course, if you bring this up to management usually one of two things happens: 1. your boss explains to you that, YES, the team is working “together” and they are very “coordinated” … how could one person NOT be working together with his or herself and how could one person possibly be uncoordinated working within a T.E.A.M.? – or- 2. You get transferred to the mail room.
Of course, my top favorite moment is when management makes sure they point out their favorite fact … that there is no “I” in T.E.A.M. I then very quickly tend to refresh their memories that there is no “US” in T.E.A.M., either … this is usually being done as yours truly is being ushered out of the T.E.A.M. meeting towards his new job in the mail room to work with the mail T.E.A.M.
Well, maybe sorting all day isn’t that bad after all ……
Categories: opinion, Pittsburgh, political
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